


Hey Hey You You I Really Like Your Girlfriend

by nevernever (elucidate_this)



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-22
Updated: 2010-04-22
Packaged: 2017-10-09 04:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/83104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elucidate_this/pseuds/nevernever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a good thing Brendon likes them, because it's the Summer of the Girlfriends</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hey Hey You You I Really Like Your Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This fic owes a great deal to [this primer](http://community.livejournal.com/damnyouwentz/745038.html) which introduced me to the fabulousness of the girlfriends of various bandmembers. And to that awesome Ryan/Keltie photoshoot which made want to write the girlfriends. And to [this fic](http://disarm-d.livejournal.com/30808.html) which introduced me to the wonder of brendon/spencer/haley as a pairing.  
> And it owes much to the fabulous redbrickrose who beta'd it despite the fact that it is outside her otp.  
> This is ~~my~~ Brendon's love letter to his bandmates girlfriends.

Brendon was pretty sure he was supposed to hate his bandmates’ girlfriends.

Wasn’t that how it was supposed to go? Shouldn’t he be fantastically jealous of the harpies who stole his best friends? Wasn’t he due for a movie montage of pouting and doing things alone while his friends skipped through meadows holding hands with their partners?

Brendon felt like he was morally obligated to work up some angst over the situation especially since Ryan had abandoned his post as The Emo One. But the thing was, the girlfriends were really hard to hate.

Cassie liked Disney movies almost as much as Brendon and would totally sing the girl parts to the songs (Jon and Ryan never let Brendon be the boy, so Cassie was really all kinds of awesome). Sometimes she let Brendon style her hair even though Jon winced every time Brendon reached for some product. Keltie taught him bitchin’ dance moves, was an awesome gossip buddy and was always up for talking about cute boys (plus she taught him a totally awesome tongue thing that he was definitely trying out next time he gave a blowjob).

Haley should have been the easiest to hate given that Brendon had been in love with Spencer somewhere close to forever, but really she was kind of his favorite. She always smiled when she saw him and was even nice the few times that he accidentally walked in on Spencer/Haley sexy times. She was a great cuddler and had a tendency to pull Brendon onto couches and arrange his body to her liking so they could snuggle most effectively. She fucking rocked at guitar hero and schooled Spencer with hilarious regularity. She’d given him (and the world) the gift of [Spencer’s sex face ](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v311/elucidation/panic/SSB7.jpg) via her MySpace for which he could never repay her. (And she’d given him the gift of embarrassed Spencer hiding his face in Brendon’s shirt when Pete called to mock Spence about the pictures). She patted his head whenever she walked past and was very indulgent when Brendon felt the need to wake Spencer by jumping on his bed. One humiliating time when she caught him staring at Spencer’s ass she didn’t hit him or get bitchy. She just squeezed his hand and said, “I know, right?”

His bandmates’ girlfriends were less like his evil nemeses and more like his awesome sisters. Well, sisters who were dirty hot and who he sometimes jerked off thinking about. So not so much sisters as friends. Hot friends who had really hot and occasionally loud sex with his other hot friends. (Brendon couldn’t even work up any angst over the fact that he totally pictured them all while he jerked off, cause really Brendon had pictured a whole lot of people when he jerked off, even Gabe Saporta who kind of freaked him out.)

So the girlfriends were awesome. Plus they made Ryan, Spencer and Jon really, really happy. And Brendon couldn’t begrudge them that.

Sometimes he was jealous. Who wouldn’t be in the face of all that happy? Watching Jon and Cassie kiss over their morning coffee or watching Ryan and Keltie walk with their fingers intertwined made him ache a little. And watching Spencer’s soft, secret Haley smile or watching her face tilt up to meet his for a kiss made something knot painfully in his stomach.

Mostly, though, he was okay. It was okay. He couldn’t have Spencer but that was okay. All his friends were happy and he had these three awesome ladies in his life and everything was just fine.

When he took the time to think about it, it was a damn good thing he liked them because he was in the middle of the Summer Of The Girlfriends. They had always flown out when they could, but this summer the three of them were going to be there nearly continuously. Brendon was excited. It was gonna be super fun and at no point did he plan to feel lonely or left out.

Everybody but Ryan and Keltie was staying at Spencer’s place. Brendon was technically living with his parents and house hunting in his spare time but he kind of liked his room at Spencer’s. The bed was comfy and staying there meant that he didn’t have to bother with driving home after late night video game marathons. (Or writing sessions, the part of his conscience that sounded eerily like Ryan Ross reminded him).

Of course, all that living together did make it somewhat more likely that Brendon would find himself blindsided by the adorableness of the two couples he was sharing space with. On tour there had rarely been more than one girlfriend there at a time. The coupled bandmate could be all cute and couply on their own while the other three could be all normal. But living at Spencer’s there was no one to be normal with.

One afternoon Brendon walked into the kitchen to find Spencer and Haley attempting to make brownies. Mostly they’d just made a mess. Spencer was licking batter off Haley’s nose and all of a sudden Brendon felt breathless with want.

Keltie and Cassie chose that moment to return from a shopping trip.

“Aww!” Cassie said looking at Spencer and Haley. They turned to face her, grinning. Brendon looked toward her as well and caught sight of Keltie’s eyes fixed on him.

 

Later, Brendon and Ryan were working on a song and Ryan paused and said in his customary monotone, “Keltie says you’re in love with Spencer and/or Haley.”

Brendon’s jaw dropped.

“So? Are you?”

“Dude.” Brendon said. “No. No way.”

Ryan squinted at him. “Are you sure?”

Brendon fluttered his lashes and arranged his face into the picture of innocence. “Does this look like the face of a liar?”

“Okay then, you won’t mind if Keltie fixes you up with some of her hot dancer friends?”

“Sugar and Spice is based in New York. Does she even know any hot dancers out here?”

Ryan shrugged. “I think they have, like, a hot dancer union. Or maybe they’re people she knows from before Sugar. Does it matter? Can she fix you up?”

“Sure. Great. Awesome.”

Ryan nodded. “Cool. I’ll tell her.”

 

After that Brendon dated a lot. Every few days he went out with one of Keltie’s friends. First it was a string of long-legged, limber, boys. Brendon mostly didn’t sleep with them. They went to dinner, or a movie, and then Brendon came home and watched other movies before bed. A few times, though, mostly because Ryan and Keltie were always watching him or asking how the dates went, he brought them home. They’d have noisy, satisfying sex and Brendon would kiss them goodbye in the morning and then promptly lose their numbers.

Spencer was usually cranky the day after Brendon slept with someone. He’d make bitchy comments about being kept up all night and he’d refuse to sit next to Brendon when they watched Project Runway. Haley would shoot Brendon apologetic looks and then go sit with Spencer.

After a week and a half, Keltie set Brendon up with a long-legged, limber, girl. Brendon took her home.

The next morning Spencer was crabby as usual but instead of looking apologetic Haley had an expression he couldn’t read.

After that Brendon stopped worrying about Keltie and Ryan watching him and started to freak out about the way Haley was always watching him. It was six kinds of uncomfortable the way her forehead crinkled while she focused on him. He just wanted her to go back to normal and call him Bden or make fun of his cowboy shirt or something. Sometimes Haley and Spencer would stop talking when he walked into a room and Brendon just _knew_ they were talking about him.

He started to avoid them a little. He wouldn’t, like, leave a room if they came in it or anything, but he would never go to a place he knew they would be. This was fairly complicated given that he was living with them. He spent a lot of time in his room working on the list of books Ryan was always recommending to him. It was just easier to be away from that look. Even if it meant plodding through the complete works of Chuck Palahniuk.

One night while he was getting ready for bed he heard them arguing outside his room.

“Ask him!”

“No!”

“Do it!”

“No! Jesus, why don’t you ask him? You’re the one who wants to know.”

“Man up, Spencer Smith, and ask him.”

He could practically hear Spencer’s eye-roll. “I hate you sometimes.”

She giggled. “You love me.”

Then there was a knock. Brendon flipped off the light and climbed in bed.

“I’m sleeping!”

“Shut up, douchebag.” And then the door was open, the light was on and Spencer and Haley were sitting on either side of the bed.

“Brendon,” Spencer started glaring a little at Haley. “Haley wanted me to ask you why you didn’t tell her you were bi.”

That was unexpected.

“Um…I thought she knew? You knew.”

Haley hit Spencer on the arm. “You knew! And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

“You…shut up. I hate you. Ask him the rest of the question.”

Spencer sighed. “She would also like me to ask you if you ever liked to have threesomes.”

Brendon sputtered. “Um. It’s kind of a mean stereotype that all bi people want threesomes all the time.”

“Oookay.” Haley said. “But do _you_ like them?”

Brendon futzed with the bedspread.

“Wait.” Haley poked at his fingers. “Have you even ever had one?”

Brendon blushed lightly. “Um. No.”

Haley exchanged a look with Spencer and then looked at Brendon with the same weird look she’d had for days. “Do you want to? Have one?”

“_What?_”

Haley lay down next to Brendon and put her hand in the center of his chest. “Do you. Want to have. A threesome?“

Brendon shot a confused look at Spencer.

“With us.” He said.

That was really, really unexpected.

Spencer lay down on the other side of Brendon and laced his fingers with Haley’s. “You should answer her. She gets, like, fixated on things sometimes.”

Brendon was having trouble forming words. “Um…”

Haley slid her fingers, laced with Spencer’s, up and down Brendon’s breastbone.

Brendon inhaled sharply.

Haley leaned towards him until her lips were nearly touching his. “Say yes,” She breathed.

Even though he was pretty sure it was the worst idea in the universe, he nodded.

She kissed him and it was sweet and hot and perfect and when he felt Spencer’s fingers slipping under the hem of his t-shirt he knew that he was so, so screwed.

 

He woke up just before dawn tangled naked between them. He slipped out of bed and pulled on some sleep pants and a t-shirt. He’d been out of the bed less than a minute and already Spencer and Haley were rolling toward each other. They sealed the gap where Brendon had been seamlessly and without waking. Brendon had never had Ryan’s grasp of metaphor but even he could figure out what that meant.

 

Jon was downstairs eating a bowl of cereal.

“What are you doing up?”

Jon held up his camera while he finished chewing. Brendon nodded.

“What about you Mr. Urie. Why are you awake right now?”

Brendon looked at the floor. “I think I did a stupid thing Jon Walker. A stupid, Spencer and Haley kind of thing.”

Jon sighed and pulled Brendon in for a hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Brendon shook his head and Jon hugged him tighter.

 

After lunch, when everyone was showered and dressed and not in any way naked in Brendon’s bed, Haley found him in the hall. She kissed him lightly on the lips. “Where’d you go this morning? We were hoping for some wake-up sex.”

Brendon stepped back. “I’m sure you did fine without me.”

She giggled a little. “Well, yeah, but it would have been better with you.” She stepped back into his space. “Come by our room tonight? Spencer’s mattress is way better than yours.”

He moved back again. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. “

She wrinkled her nose. “Really? You like your mattress that much?”

He shook his head. “No…I. I don’t think we should do that again.”

Her face fell. “Did you not have fun? Cause we can do better. Spencer’s got a great mouth and I…”

He shook his head and held up his hand to stop her. “I had plenty of fun. It just…it isn’t a good idea.”

“Why?”

“I just…I can’t, okay?” He stepped around her and went into his room and closed the door.

 

Brendon moped for two days straight. He was mad at himself for saying yes to Spencer and Haley and then for saying no to doing it again. He was mad at them for not knowing how hard it would be for him to have them without really having them. He was mad at Keltie for setting him up with people and starting this whole thing. He was mad at Ryan for dating a girl with such hot friends.

He was mostly just sad though. Sad about how awesome Spencer and Haley were in bed and how good it felt sleeping between them and how right it felt waking up with them. And sad because they didn’t belong to him and he could never have that again.

 

When a knock came at the door to his room at 10pm on the second day Brendon didn’t answer. He just pulled the covers more tightly around him and kept reading his book. Finally, after much knocking, he heard Ryan’s voice.

“I’m coming in asshole; I know you’re awake.”

This time it was Ryan and Keltie instead of Spencer and Haley.

Brendon scowled. “I swear to God if you ask me to have a threesome I’m quitting the band.”

Keltie laughed. “Sorry Urie, you’re not that hot.”

“Also, you’re kind of a dumbass,” said Ryan.

“Is cruelty really what I need right now?”

“Maybe. Or maybe what you need is an ass kicking?”

Brendon put his book down and glared. “What the fuck?”

“You made Spencer all mopey. You know how I feel about people who do that.”

“Hey! I’m totally the injured party here. Shouldn’t you be telling Spencer not to wound me?”

“Bullshit. You’re the one who one night stand-ed them.”

“I didn’t! They did it to me!”

Keltie made a face. “Brendon I’m pretty sure that as the guy who turned down their attempts at more sex, you are the perpetrator of the one night stand.”

“Okay. Maybe. But, like, only because they used me.”

“How’s that exactly?” Ryan’s arms were crossed over his chest and he was glaring.

“They…they…”

Ryan tipped his head toward Keltie, “This is why we don’t let him write lyrics”

“I’m in love with him okay? And I couldn’t just be this guy they fucked. I couldn’t just be recreation.”

Keltie snorted. “Ryan’s right. You are a dumbass.”

Brendon made a high pitched noise of dissent.

Keltie shook her head. “You have met Haley right? Likes puppies and videogames and waited six months to have sex with her super hot rockstar boyfriend because she only sleeps with people she loves?”

Brendon’s jaw dropped. “Um…”

“Not that she’s in love with you. She thought you were gay until last week. But she really likes you.”

“Um. Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So she likes me and Spencer loves her and that made him willing to move past his intense straightness to sleep with me?”

Ryan hit Brendon over the head.

“Ow! No hitting!”

“Do you pay attention to other people AT ALL?”

“Um…yes?”

“Before Spencer met Haley he was all about the unrequited mancrush on you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Brendon was silent for a minute. “Wait. Keltie, if they’re so into me or whatever why did you fix me up with your friends?”

Keltie shrugged. “I didn’t know. Not until Haley went all obsesso-girl about you being bi. Before that I just thought you were pining and I wanted to find you someone to take your mind off of it. I wanted to see you happy.”

“Oh.” Brendon looked at his hands.

“So stop being all wounded puppy and apologize to them.”

Ryan, who hadn’t stopped his cross-armed glaring except to hit Brendon nodded.

“But first, come downstairs,” Keltie said, “Cassie made peanut butter cookies and we saved you some.” She grabbed his elbow and tugged him to his feet.

When they got to the kitchen Spencer and Haley were sitting across the table from Jon and Cassie.

Jon gave a giant over the top yawn and stood up. He grabbed Cassie’s hand and tugged her out of the room with a mumbled “Sleepy.”

Ryan and Keltie had already gone. Brendon heard the door shut as they left the house.

Spencer pushed the plate of cookies toward Brendon and motioned for him to sit down.

He cleared his throat. “So it’s been pointed out to us that we maybe should have been a little clearer about the fact that we weren’t just looking for a fuck.”

Brendon nodded. “And I maybe shouldn’t have assumed the worst of two people I really like.”

Spencer swallowed. “Cassie says we should have wined and dined you a little.”

“So, um, Brendon,” Haley looked nervous. “Would you like to go out with us sometime?”

Brendon paused and Haley looked down at her hands. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“No! Really, no.”

Spencer scowled.

“No, wait! I mean yes. The no was about not…” He shook his head. “ Sorry, god, incoherent. I…yes.” Brendon grinned. “I’d really like that.”


End file.
